Once again, after I had finished my morning journaling and reading – there came this thought train rollin thru.  And I was moved to sit down here and begin writing and see what shows up beyond the initial musings/thoughts.

It seems to me that what we call ‘life’ and free will are like (in reverse order) – a magic wand and an infinite space in which to create ‘magic/magical things’.  And then we are left on our own to figure it all out!

First we must discover we even have such a thing – the ‘magic wand’ of free will.  And for most of us, that never really happens.  We climb aboard the victim train and ride it to our death/final destination.  Good things are ‘gifts/rewards’ from whatever our definition/sense of God may be and only if we have been good little boys and girls and have prayed ‘rightly’ and followed all the rules, etc.  Bad things are never anything we had anything to do with – unless we choose to believe we have done something bad for which we are being punished – yes, by that same “judging” god.  Who forever keeps track of our transgressions – for which we will also likely have to pay at the end of our journey.  And in the extreme may send the train to a very hot and awful place!!

Yes, we hear those words many times and from a very early age – Free Will.  We then accept whatever the current popular definition may be and have no idea how powerful we actually are.  Just because we don’t know we have a magic wand does not mean that it is not ‘working’!!  And thus, we continue to wreak havoc in our own lives and wonder “why is this happening to me?!”  We spend hours, days, months and years thinking about everything we DO NOT want and then are shocked and dismayed that it keeps showing up!!  Exactly what I didn’t want!!  God, are you not listening????  And the wand plays on.

And the first time we hear the word “responsible/responsibility” all we hear is ‘fault’.  How can you say that – that it’s all my fault??  And so we wrestle with all of that concept for awhile and slowly begin to realize we just might have something to do with the ‘stuff’ of our life – the situations and conditions, etc.  And, yes, outcomes.  And as nearly everyone I know has experienced, we begin with baby steps – you know, the familiar ‘creating a parking space’ thing.   And the whole ‘power of attraction’ processes.  And yet, we still don’t quite get it.  You see, you don’t get to tell that magic wand when and when not to do its thing!  It does whatever it is told – whatever you think, believe and/or speak!  No, probably not some vague transient thought that floats thru your mind.  Yes, all the permanent residents that have become totally unconscious and in control of your very life.

So, you may ask, if they are totally unconscious, how can I find out what they are?  Take a closer look ‘out there’!  Everything you see is simply a mirror of your own thinking and believing.  Some of it is pretty simple and obvious to connect.  Some of it may take some deeper looking – it’s all stored right there in what we call our ‘ego’.  Which is essentially our operating system and for the most part was programmed during our first 7 years here in this lifetime – except there might also be a few carryovers from a previous one. ^_^ But, that’s a whole other story. ^_^  Anyway – in my own life as I experienced a level of dismay around a certain presidential candidate, I came to the realization – given it is all a mirror, or my projection of my thoughts and beliefs, then what I’m being shown is all my unhealed and unresolved issues – my deeply buried traces of racism etc, etc.  You cannot even see what you do not already ‘know’/is not at some level ‘true’ for you.  ugh!!!  Interestingly, I have begun to see articles from folks more knowledgeable than I that we are being shown our “shadow side” as a nation/people.  Funny how that works. ^_^

Anyway – what I’m thinkin is that if we had a better perspective on this whole ‘free will’ thing and even an inkling of it’s power – we would tend to be a bit more conscious of how we ‘wave it about’!!!  Remember Mickey with the Wizard’s wand – he created quite a mess and had no idea how to undo what he had done!!!  Nearly did himself in.  Sound familiar??  Just sayin’. . . . .

As written in my journal:

OK, going to close and just leave the World to God.  Remember, it must be brought to (the) Light to be transformed.  Obviously we as a Nation/people have been holding onto lots of darkness for a long, long time.  God Bless those brave souls who chose to come here and be the examples – show us all our deeply hidden (false) beliefs.  [God, keep us all safe as we make our way thru all the darkness. Thank You]  And this is how it looks – the healing of a Nation – to bring out into the open/Light all that is ready to be healed/released.

 Some of us have experienced “personal healing” – have gone thru the painful experience of recognizing/acknowledging our false beliefs in order to “heal” – to pull ourselves out of  the self-inflicted misery & suffering which is the result of false beliefs. 

I believe that is what is going on at a more “macro” level – is it the World?  Certainly this Nation!  The racism that simply went “underground” when slavery was abolished.  The feminism that has lived on despite the “equal pay, etc” progress on the surface.  The “sexual orientation paranoia” that clearly lives on.  All of this in “the land of the free”!  It is time to “walk our talk” and we are smack dab in the middle of what it looks like to get there, to BE the Land of the Free with every fiber of our Being.  Change requires letting go and change for Good requires letting go of what doesn’t work.  Prejudice and judgement do NOT work – neither f or the judging nor the judged.  Judgement is an act of ‘separateness’ – there is no judgement within the realization of Oneness.  Perhaps – in order to realize our Oneness, we must first expose/bring to (the) Light all of our false beliefs of separation.  All of our unspoken, even unconscious, judgements/beliefs – some of which we can not even admit to, to ourselves!  And yet – I say LOOK!  Look “out there” – it’s only a mirror!  There is NO ONE “out there”!!!  You are seeing yourself – so if you don’t like what you see – CHANGE YOUR OWN THINKING/BELIEVING/SPEAKING!  If there is something showing up in your world that you ‘don’t like’ – take a closer look at yourself.  It can sometimes feel painful – but the alternative is a ‘killer’ – literally.  Have you read/watched the news lately???

It started with the random thoughts about this year’s god-awful election debacle.  The whole “Greatest Country” stuff.  And the first thing I saw was what comes of that thinking – the concept of’ “greatest”.  That is judgemental thinking and must include the opposite – that which you are ‘greater than’.  And thinking you are the greatest also includes the need to remain the greatest – and that need puts you in the state of constant, even if only ‘low level’, fear.  The fear of losing your ‘status’ as ‘the greatest’, because if you are dwelling in the concept of opposites – there is always some ‘other’ whose goal it is to take over your position at ‘the top’.

So – what do you do?  You do whatever you deem necessary to protect and defend your position.  You create a “Department of Defense” and a military whose job it is to “defend” your status and “defeat” anyone who might challenge you – thus proving you really are ‘the greatest’.  And you get a little paranoid about it all – as humans are prone to do – and you begin attacking those who even look like they might be a threat.  And you continue to build your arsenal of weapons, and call it ‘protection’, even if the using of those so called “weapons of defense” could likely destroy even your home – the one called “Earth”!!  And you start putting people in charge who are truly committed to maintaining your ‘greatness’.  And you totally forget who you really are.

And then there is the other way superiority has manifested in this ‘greatest’ country – that white is superior to all – as in ‘white skin’.  WTF, my mind said – what is that about???  Ah – pretty simple – a very basic belief – light is better than dark.  A bright sunny day is good.  A dark, stormy night – not so much.  Dark is inherently scary, threatening – “the dark forces of evil”, etc.  I guess because our eyes aren’t as effective in the dark?  We are frightened by the fact that we can’t see what MIGHT be there because we have come to believe that our 5 senses are the only thing that we have, the only means of ‘survival’ in the physical world.  So it follows somehow in our human brain logic – dark is inherently at least scary and ‘untrustworthy’ and obviously less good than ‘light’/white.  This is all automatic, habitual, non-thinking!!  It is part of very old and outdated programming!  Handed down for generations and never even acknowledged, let alone questioned.  In many ways that old programming actually thinks us.  Our very lives are created by unconscious thinking, and then we wonder why and how come ___________.

And included in our fear – of losing our status as ‘the greatest’, or our ‘white superiority’ – is the concept of ‘infiltration’ and resulting ‘dilution’ and/or an ‘internal’ attack.  Do you remember when a bi-racial child had little chance of a ‘normal’ life???  And these days – wearing a ‘funny’ head gear could be reason enough to be ‘feared’, or if your skin is anything other than ‘snowy white’.  So now we are actually planning to build a wall to help maintain our self-proclaimed ‘superiority and greatness’.  [Pardon me while I puke.]  (Sorry, just a little personal opinion thrown in here)

I think it’s time for all of us to take an authentic look at what may be lurking in our mind closet of ‘false beliefs’ and bring them out into the light to be transformed.  Remember, you cannot even see what is not already ‘known’ to you, what you don’t ‘believe’, even if it isn’t an acknowledged belief.  All of what is currently happening in the World, and more specifically, in our “great” (cough, cough) country is simply an out-picturing of our beliefs – however deeply hidden, denied and unacknowledged!!  I for one, have been ‘hard at it’ since early this year when I first realized that I actually did have something to do with all the ‘shit’ showing up in my world.  Consider this an invitation to join me in a quest for “A World that works for everyone”.

And I am now stepping down from my soap box – feel free to step onto yours in response.  My skin is much tougher than it used to be ^_^

Yesterday I was texting with a friend and fellow vendor and she was setting up at a show.  She arrived to discover her booth was in a small room with two other vendors, one of them “the icky _________ ladies”.  The blank being the name of their ‘country of origin’, a detail not necessary for this writing/pondering of mine.  My knee-jerk reaction was the impulse to write words of total agreement.  While I resisted writing the words, I did send ‘appropriate’ emoji’s.    And then began my pondering –

Why are those two women like ‘finger nails on a blackboard’ to me??  Why do I appear ‘ok’ with some accents and others seem to annoy me?    While I do well enough hiding my feelings from the others (out there), I cannot hide them from myself – and I do not understand!  I know we humans tend to fear anything ‘different’ from what we know and how we ‘are’.

It is also upsetting to me when I can’t understand what someone is saying because they can’t pronounce the word(s) the way I do (ie: properly).  Does, at that level, “fear of the unknown” get ‘converted’ to dislike and is dislike the lowest energy form of ‘anger’?  We know that anger is the energy of fear converted into “self-defense”.  Anger is our way of expressing fear defensively.  Is then, feeling annoyed or “disliking” actually the experience and resulting expression of very low level ‘fear of the unknown’??  Could it actually have nothing to do with me personally and is simply one of the carry overs from our beginnings as “cave dwellers” when that kind of fear was needed/necessary for survival?

If I were to accept that concept, could I not then simply observe my internal ‘knee-jerk’ reactions and not ‘attach’ myself?  Could I let them arise and pass with no guilt or shame OR outward/physical reaction.  Recognize, acknowledge and let it pass.  Has nothing  to do with me personally – OR the other person(s).  Part of “fight or flight” animal instincts and I have a much more ‘advanced’ mechanism/brain with which to ensure my ‘survival’. ^_^

The other, more complicated part of it is – the need to be right.  I think also part of the survival stuff – for included in being right is the need for everyone else to agree with and be/think/act like you = nothing ‘unknown’ to fear???  And in the extreme, that fear can lead to the need to “eliminate” anyone who does not agree with you or fit your pictures of what is “right”.  Add to that, in the case of what we call “acts of terrorism”, those committing the “killing” have been convinced that the ‘right’ thing they are doing will win them a special place in the “after life”.

So – all of that gives my logical brain a kind of ‘answer’ to my ongoing question of “WHY???”  But leaves me with –  where are we heading??  Looks like we are headed for self-destruction.  So then my question becomes – how do we turn it around??  Love!  As always and for every question – Love is the only answer.  Moment by moment each day – stay present and practice Love.  Smile at people for no reason.  Lend a hand when you can.  Do our best to cultivate a feeling and way of being ‘in Love’; coming from the Earth as our sacred home and all of humanity as our family.  Do what we can, when we can, to spread Love.  Pay attention when the early programmed false beliefs come forth and take over our conscious thinking and acting.  Sometimes the best we can do is ‘nothing’ – remember those 3 little monkeys – the “no evil” ones. ^_^

We have the power and freedom to create whatever we want – read”want” as think and believe.  We tend to think about what we don’t want (a lot!) and then we wonder why we remain (stuck) in lack and limitation.  Added to that is that early ‘familial programming’ – the “sins of the father” – hah!  I just got it.  I have heard sin defined as “wrong thinking” and now it makes sense – the Biblical statement – “wrong thinking” is passed down for generations as you can only teach what you know!  Children as ‘taught’ what parents believe as well as how to ‘demonstrate’ those beliefs based on the actions of the parents as observed and interpreted.  We arrive with ‘clean slates’ and fully open and receptive.  Our survival instinct looks at those around us who have obviously survived and with those observations we determine how to survive.  And thus the “sins of the father” live on. & on.  & on.😦

The good news is – we are all One and as I heal my “sins’, I am contributing healing for all.  Does this human brain really understand ‘how’? NO, and could not!  And of no consequence – I don’t have to understand gravity, or even know it exists as a Law to “use” it – it keeps my feet firmly planted on the ground anyway!  We call it the “Law of Gravity” – or more accurately we call what it ‘does’ the “Law of”.

What is not yet as widely and ‘commonly’ realized/known is the Law of Attraction.  While many of us have at least heard of the Law of Attraction – perhaps we have only a very limited understanding of it?!  Perhaps magnets give us a physical demonstration of on aspect of that Law?? Or a demonstration of the Nature of the Law – that it is “attrative” in Nature/by? Nature.  That Life IS Energy.  That what appears as form is simply condensed energy??  And it is – ah, that’s it!!  It’s not the Law of Attraction – it is The Law of Creation!  Is that a more accurate description/definition??  I suspect that if we believed that we would be much more ‘careful’/conscious of how we used it!!  Like we don’t step out of a 3rd story window or jump out of an airplane without the appropriate equipment on our back!!

I sense there has been a bit of ‘back-peddling’ by those who have professed to “know” and thus “teach” about the Law of ‘attraction’.  That while they know there is something that appears to work ‘simply’ as attraction = ‘object to object’ – there is a much deeper cut to be made.  Using the word ‘attraction’ tends to put us in the physical realm and we begin ‘picturing in our mind’ what we want – and it’s often a ‘something’ that we believe already exists and that our thinking will draw it to us as if we are a magnet drawing a pin (or nail) to itself – because it is “the Law”.

Anyway, here’s the thing – if it is actually “The Law of Creation”, what we don’t realize is that we are using it in every moment/nano-second of our life!  As I wrote the other day – we are creating that which we call  “life” – and more specifically, our lifeas we live each moment.  We are ‘alive’/living our life – we are living and thus creating our life as we think.  We believe/think that thinking is a “passive” activity (is that an oxymoron?? ^_^); when, in truth, it is a creative activity.  Every thought transmits energy – which energy tends to “glom onto” similar energy and at some point the ‘gathering’ of energy is sufficient to create form/condition/circumstance/opportunity/possibility……  The “stuff” of our lives.  It should be obvious then, that thinking the same thought(s) over and over and over can greatly contribute to the “gathering” and bring about the creation of our thoughts – even if it’s what we are saying and thinking it is NOT ‘what we want’!!

Change you thinking, change your life


Just to get it all out of my head and hopefully thus provide me with some relief – I am going to type my thoughts again.  It has been a rough morning, here in my head!  And I remain on the verge of tears – ‘for no (obvious or state-able) reason’.

I was watching the Allstar game last evening and they took a break to do the “stand up to cancer” thing – again.  And I found myself in tears.  You see, many,many years ago – when I was only 10, my daddy died of cancer.  It’s not something I think much about at this point – but those little signs everyone was holding got me to thinking.  Way back then, cancer was not a common occurrence.  While not deemed a ‘rare disease’, it had not become ‘a household word’ = common, etc.  And that led me to think about all the other ‘diseases’ that have become so common these days.  Why is it we don’t wonder about that?  All the syndromes and disorders and ‘birth defects’ that have become part of our ‘way of life’.  Is our lack of ‘curiosity’ simply part of our false beliefs about a punishing God and a ‘cruel world’??  Could it not, in fact, have more to do with what we eat and the very air we breathe????  Or, more accurately stated – what is IN the food we eat and the air we breathe!  How much “poison” are we eating and breathing?

So what about the food?  What about the farms??  Now, there are what I have heard called “agri-businesses” – giant “companies” whose purpose is to produce huge quantities of ‘food’.  For the purpose of making sure there is enough food for everyone? That there is not one hungry child on the planet?   Hah!!  NOT!! Like everything else we humans do these days – for the sole purpose of making lots of money.  For the purpose of making sure everyone has enough money to buy what they need?  Hah!  NOT!!  While the farmer in the field may be lucky enough to be sitting in an air conditioned cab – it is likely it is only the ‘few at the top’ who are actually harvesting most of the cash!!  And they will “trickle it down” to those in need.  right.  We all know how that works.

And then there is where we buy our food.  Used to be from the person who grew it!  Or from our ‘neighborhood’ grocery store, whose owner bought it from the person who grew it.  Now what we buy may have traveled halfway around the globe to get to a “supermarket” somewhere in our area.  Hell, we don’t even have neighborhoods anymore, let alone small grocery stores!!  We now live in “subdivisions” – on small ‘ individual’ plots of land ‘divided’ from everyone else!  And now we want to build walls around our piece of land to make sure those “others” stay away from us.  And we have a gun in our house – just in case we forget to lock the gate or someone decides to climb over the wall.  Especially if they look, act, or maybe even think differently.  Can’t trust them colored folks!!!

And when we have to go somewhere – we are hermetically sealed in our individual automobiles and can become ‘enraged’ if someone dares to ‘cut us off’, or ‘follow too closely’, or do anything that offends us somehow.  At this rate, those ‘bubbles’ I hear folks joking about may just become a reality and we will ‘never leave home without it’.

I wish I had an answer – or 2, or 3.  I don’t – nor do I have the means to implement even it I did – the trickle hasn’t reached this far down yet.  And I’m running out of time.  I can only pray that those little kiddos up in the big house will grow up to think – that they won’t end up brain-washed by what we call ‘education’ – and advertising!!!  I mean, if you watch any TV, aren’t you at least once in a while appalled by the message to buy,buy,buy – more, more, more – bigger, better etc etc.  And if you aren’t sick or diseased before, you may well be convinced you are within an hour or two!!!

And I guess that brings me back to the beginning – when will we begin thinking?  At the moment we are simply acting like lemmings and are headed for the cliff!!!

contrary to that popular expression that ‘life is what happens while you are making other plans’ -Life is NOT some pre-existing ‘thing’ that we kind of walk thru and thus experience.  there is nothing there until we ‘think’ it into existence.  rather like the umpire who claims “they ain’t nothin’ till I call them” – life is as we say it is.  we Know, think, speak, and act it into existence with each nanosecond we ‘live’.  it can only show up as we believe because we are in actuality speaking it into existence.  which ‘speaking’ doesn’t mean only the words in our head and those we say.  what the Universe hears and responds to is the energy of our long held (often false) beliefs, thoughts and those words we unconsciously repeat over and over.  all those times we say “I am_______”, or even think “I am_____”.  that one tiny, 2-letter word is the most powerful tool we have – and the one we use the most unconsciously!  how many times in my life have i said “i am broke”?  versus – how many times have i said “i am enough”?  even if i now say “i am enough” because of all that i have read etc – do i really believe it?  does my inner ‘critic’ even allow me to believe it?  all that old programming that told me not to ask for more – and punished me if i did!!  yes, i have weeded out a lot of it – pretty clearly not all!!  i have reached the level of ‘enough’ – that is ‘just enough’ to stay ‘ok’.  as a clear example:  i just did a show that is typically very successful.  while preparing for it and thinking about the amount of money i usually make, i heard that voice! i heard it say “i (you) don’t need that much”, and for just one of those ‘nanoseconds’ i then felt the shame of having asked for more than i need.

none of that registered (consciously) until i sat there, at the show, wondering what the heck was happening?!  and i remembered.  :(  what i was experiencing was a direct result of my thinking and believing.  i can not have more than i ‘need’ or ‘deserve’.  i just saw, as i wrote that sentence – for me ‘deserve’ means ‘what i need to survive and no more’! my self worth is at the level of ‘existence/survival’ – i guess that’s a step up from “worthless”?? ^_^

back to creating our life as we go – i know a man who used to record every phone conversation.  for him it was a way of ‘preserving’ his life/past – something like that.  anyway, what if we all had recorded all of our conversations every day of our lives?  and what if we could replay a day, say 6 months ago?  and if we listened, how closely would what we said (and the unsaid, implied beliefs & thoughts) match what is currently showing up???  or persisting?

and “the moral of the story is?” – remember that “I am” are the most powerful words you can speak.  be as mindful a possible!  listen to your own thinking and speaking!  if you are experiencing a long standing situation or circumstance, do NOT say “I am sick and tired of ______________”!!!  examine your long held beliefs – are they serving you now?  a wise man once told us – “it is done unto you as you believe”.  if you look thru unfiltered eyes, you will find proof in every area of your life.  we were all ‘programmed’ with the pre-existing beliefs of our chosen families.  we chose our family because they fit our purpose for this lifetime – to contribute to the healing of those beliefs for the evolution of humanity.

and with that, i shall close!  to delve into that concept/belief would take many pages – and, just for the record, all of this is my belief!  i am not claiming to have the answer(s) for anyone else!  just hoping to inspire you to think about what you believe and whether those beliefs are still serving you = creating a life you love!