what is it i don’t know, the knowing of which would change everything?

have you ever pondered that question?  i first heard it years ago and it has recently come into my life again – thru neale donald walsch and his current blog “The Global Conversation” – and, thus, is once again ‘bugging’ me.  along with that has been this subtle urging to start writing here again – no matter that (perhaps) no one will read it.  does it matter?  does someone have to actually read it for it to get ‘out there’?  or, is there even an ‘out there’?  not if i look toward the “all is One” Reality.  yes, if i look toward the relative reality.  if i stay with the One Reality, then i can also trust that there is contribution in my sharing ‘my’ authentic thoughts and feelings.  and i don’t have to know exactly what that might be – the only reason to have to know would be in order to do some kind of judging/evaluating.  you know, like – wow, 30 people read that so that means i ‘should’ keep writing.  or – well, not one person read that, no reason to do that again!

a year or so ago, i was doing this on a regular basis – and then, had one of those ‘encounters’ that while it was a very valuable lesson for me – one that once again showed me where more healing was needed – i also shut down and stopped sharing myself here.  and i have managed to ignore any subtle urgings to begin again – still using the ‘excuse’ that no one would read it anyway.  however – the Truth is (perhaps?) the writing is not for anyone else??  while i do journal everyday, perhaps to share my thoughts and feelings where there exists at least the possibility that someone else could read them – well, that’s a whole different ballgame.  for one thing it opens the door for ego to influence what is writen – rather than truly & purely sharing my heart, it’s tougher to manage the ‘need’ to ‘look good’ – the obvious kind – appearing wise, smart, clever, enlightened, etc.  and the more subtle kind – hoping you will ‘make a difference’ in someone’s life.  yes, a noble goal – as long as you aren’t looking for acknowledgement.  aren’t secretly waiting for the thank you cards to come pouring in.

it feels like that’s enough for right now. hmm, shall i use my normal ‘signature’ – yes, i will – this time.

peace, love and beauty     http://www.artfullyapplique.com