before i got caught on the slippery slope entirely – as in, as i was thinking post-morning journaling – i had the thought that negative thinking is like the rheostat on the ceiling light. first it dims your own light as it constricts the flow of energy – and it also constricts the natural flow of all energy in your life – including money, and love, and . . . . . . abundance never goes away or diminishes – it just can’t get to you.
and having just listened to a talk by panach dasai – i realized that all of my attention and giving was on everyone and everything else with absolute and total DISregard for myself – having been well-trained in the school of how not to be selfish and self-centered! didn’t want to endanger the flow by keeping/using some of it for myself – don’t cha know!! and then found myself wanting to ask – WHY??? didn’t i do everything “right”??? didn’t i share and be as unselfish as possible???
and therein lies the problem – i cannot claim to believe i am a (Divine) child of God and then treat myself with total disregard and invalidate my very existence. i must honor myself and my own divinity and humanness/humanity – as that is (perhaps?) my very purpose in life – to actually be this particular human, living this particular life, on this particular planet, at this particular time – and somehow know it’s all perfect! (despite appearances ^_^)
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