before i got caught on the slippery slope entirely – as in, as i was thinking post-morning journaling – i had the thought that negative thinking is like the rheostat  on the ceiling light.  first it dims your own light as it constricts the flow of energy – and it also constricts the natural flow of all energy in your life – including money, and love, and . . . . . .  abundance never goes away or diminishes – it just can’t get to you.

and having just listened to a talk by panach dasai – i realized that all of my attention and giving was on everyone and everything else with absolute and total DISregard for myself – having been well-trained in the school of how not to be selfish and self-centered!  didn’t want to endanger the flow by keeping/using some of it for myself – don’t cha know!!  and then found myself wanting to ask – WHY???  didn’t i do everything “right”???  didn’t i share and be as unselfish as possible???

and therein lies the problem – i cannot claim to believe i am a (Divine) child of God and then treat myself with total disregard and invalidate my very existence.  i must honor myself and my own divinity and humanness/humanity – as that is (perhaps?) my very purpose in life – to actually be this particular human, living this particular life, on this particular planet, at this particular time – and somehow know it’s all perfect! (despite appearances ^_^)