was going to just do this on facebook, then realized that would look more like i’m asking for sympathy.  not so – am hoping something of what i’m about to write will ‘help’ someone else.  this isn’t about a tragedy or some sort of major ‘life-altering’ lesson – it’s just about learning to listen to the ongoing guidance always there.

there are 2 different episodes – tho they showed up a little ‘entangled’.  one is with sophie, my dog.  the other with the van – my means of getting to the shows where i ‘make my living’, so to speak.

so, sophie has diabetes – a fairly recent happening, and something that requires 2 shots each day, at a specific interval.  and that means, i must remember – me, who can’t even remember to eat lunch!!  it has been an ongoing struggle, so to speak, with more than one misstep!!

we were at a show in oregon last weekend, and staying in a motel room.  now, i have kind of set up a ‘routine’ and various checks and reminders here – and things are pretty tight in the van, so easier to remember.  not so much in a motel room – with a roommate – after a terrible show – tired, hungry and distracted, etc.  so, after being awakened every 3 hours sunday night because she had to pee – and then drink nearly the whole bowl each time we came back in – it finally dawned on me, as we were walking the next morning!  and try as i might, i could not remember having done one thing that was the clue to the fact that i had forgotten the injection.  she actually recovered from that perfectly and by tues morning was obviously feeling quite well.

on wed afternoon, as i was telling a friend about it – she said “when i had to do that for my dad, i set the alarm on my cellphone”.  now do you think i took heed of that gentle guidance??  oh no – ego stepped right up and gave its 110 reasons how we had it handled here and another 50 excuses howcome we had forgotten there.  and guess what happened – i apparently forgot that very evening.  i say apparently cause i still don’t remember forgetting!!!  in fact, kept seeing something in my head that assured me i hadn’t!!  but – there i was again – up every 3 hours wed night!  and even worse, she didn’t really want to eat thurs morning – and when sophie doesn’t eat, there is definitely a problem!!  so, after  an expensive vet visit – i’ve now been assured 1) she is ok, it’s just the high sugar level and 2) yes, i did forget as nothing else would cause a spike like this given all the test results.  damn!!

the second lesson involves the van.  when i went out to leave for the vet – van would not start!!  won’t include all the other details about that – not relevant to the ‘lesson’, per se.

after handling the vet thing and arranging the tow truck – i called the vendor chair at the show.  left message and wasn’t able to talk with her till later – when i knew it was at least possible the van could be repaired the next day – however, i chose to ignore that and got locked into “i can’t go”.  could not hear her as she said “if there’s any way you can get here ‘later’, we will work with you.  we really want you here”.  and all i could say was – can’t.  today i realized i just needed to arrive there about 3 hours before the show opened this morning!!  could have managed getting setup – probably would have had help, etc.  but not until i found out the van had been fixed did that dawn on me!!

so, what does any of this have to do with anyone reading this??  what i believe is that we are all gently guided all the time and 99% of the time we just don’t hear or refuse to listen.  we often are stuck in that it has to be ‘our way’, or ‘oh, i already know that’, or ‘i have it handled, my way’ – etc.  we fail to see the infinite possibilities in each and every moment – some of which just might be ‘a better/easier’ way.  sometimes we just don’t want the messenger to be ‘right’.  sometimes we don’t want to look stupid.  sometimes it looks like giving up ‘control’ – and for us ‘control freaks’ that can be nearly impossible.  if we can learn to be more fully ‘in the moment’ and open to receive – perhaps “all will be provided”?????  and that includes some gentle guidance!  just listen!!

and so here i sit – hopefully a little wiser??  for sure a lot poorer financially, between dollars spent and those not earned. 😦  and therein lies a whole other conversation about faith and trust!!!  ^_^

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