i was actually having a bit of a ‘temper tantrum’ in my journal this morning and in the process got myself to an amazing realization!
i don’t know about you, but this whole concept of “acceptance” had me a little confused, to say the least. i mean, why on earth would i accept what i don’t want??! and yet – i also know that ‘what i resist persists’ – so, how to resolve that apparent contradiction??? and i saw it – i can NOT change what is, what has already shown up! i can never change what’s “out there”. i can only change my own thinking (and believing). and it is my thinking and believing that has brought what i am experiencing/seeing into my world.
yeah, yeah – i’ve heard all that before and doesn’t seem to have helped much!! and then i got the perfect metaphor (i think that’s the right word) as i was struggling to find words to describe what i was finally truly feeling/knowing/realizing!!
i am shopping for a new dress (guys use whatever works). i am in the dressing room waiting, having given the sales girl my ‘wants’. she brings in a dress and it’s “not right”. do i begin attempting to alter that dress to make it look like what i said i wanted??? NO i refine my ‘order’/CHANGE MY ORDER and accept that dress as it is. does that mean i buy it/make it ‘mine’???? NO, i just LET IT BE and ask again!!! and i wait patiently, in faith and trust that my request will be delivered onto me! and if it isn’t quite right again – i change my order to more accurately represent what i authentically want. pretty damn simple!!
now the other piece is the whole issue of patience. and i think that involves being willing to trust in Divine Timing – perhaps what i would call God’s Will. and that is NOT about testing me – i think it has to do with there being a much bigger picture than what is available to these human eyes. have you noticed that things do show up exactly when needed and often not when you thought they ‘should’?! ^_^
and another piece is the whole issue of ‘wanting’. do we not realize that the very feeling of ‘wanting’ is a declaration of lack! and it sends out that energy – the energy of lack and limitation. and the nature of this Universe is that it can only reflect what it is given – every farmer knows he will not harvest corn if he has planted wheat. i cannot expect abundance from seeds of lack!! so, how do we think about ‘what we want’ without generating feelings of lack? my current thoughts are if i can stay in gratitude for what i already have – and for most of us, that is a lot! and i can create pictures of what else might be possible – what exciting new things could be waiting for me – or pretend i’m on a treasure hunt and watch and listen for the clues, etc. and above all else – stay conscious about where i am energy-wise and do my best to stay in love and gratitude!!! it is I who has everything to say about what i think and how i feel – always!! and that makes me the creator of my own life and everything in it. i am NOT a victim. i am a powerful creator who often forgets her own power and ends up like Mickey, with the waves of life crashing down upon me!!
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