i was actually having a bit of a ‘temper tantrum’ in my journal this morning and in the process got myself to an amazing realization!

i don’t know about you, but this whole concept of “acceptance” had me a little confused, to say the least.  i mean, why on earth would i accept what i don’t want??!  and yet – i also know that ‘what i resist persists’ – so, how to resolve that apparent contradiction???  and i saw it – i can NOT change what is, what has already shown up!  i can never change what’s “out there”.  i can only change my own thinking (and believing).  and it is my thinking and believing that has brought what i am experiencing/seeing into my world.

yeah, yeah – i’ve heard all that before and doesn’t seem to have helped much!!  and then i got the perfect metaphor (i think that’s the right word) as i was struggling to find words to describe what i was finally truly feeling/knowing/realizing!!

i am shopping for a new dress (guys use whatever works).  i am in the dressing room waiting, having given the sales girl my ‘wants’.  she brings in a dress and it’s “not right”.  do i begin attempting to alter that dress to make it look like what i said i wanted??? NO  i refine my ‘order’/CHANGE MY ORDER and accept that dress as it is.  does that mean i buy it/make it ‘mine’????  NO, i just LET IT BE and ask again!!!  and i wait patiently, in faith and trust that my request will be delivered onto me!  and if it isn’t quite right again – i change my order to more accurately represent what i authentically want.  pretty damn simple!!

now the other piece is the whole issue of patience.  and i think that involves being willing to trust in Divine Timing – perhaps what i would call God’s Will.  and that is NOT about testing me – i think it has to do with there being a much bigger picture than what is available to these human eyes.  have you noticed that things do show up exactly when needed and often not when you thought they ‘should’?! ^_^

and another piece is the whole issue of ‘wanting’.  do we not realize that the very feeling of ‘wanting’ is a declaration of lack!  and it sends out that energy – the energy of lack and limitation.  and the nature of this Universe is that it can only reflect what it is given – every farmer knows he will not harvest corn if he has planted wheat.  i cannot expect abundance from seeds of lack!!  so, how do we think about ‘what we want’ without generating feelings of lack?  my current thoughts are if i can stay in gratitude for what i already have – and for most of us, that is a lot!  and i can create pictures of what else might be possible – what exciting new things could be waiting for me – or pretend i’m on a treasure hunt and watch and listen for the clues, etc.  and above all else – stay conscious about where i am energy-wise and do my best to stay in love and gratitude!!!  it is I who has everything to say about what i think and how i feel – always!!  and that makes me the creator of my own life and everything in it.  i am NOT a victim.  i am a powerful creator who often forgets her own power and ends up like Mickey,  with the waves of life crashing down upon me!!