and where those could lead!

despite the screaming in my head, i am choosing to follow what felt like direction during my morning journaling session.  i don’t know who, if anyone, will ever read these – perhaps it doesn’t matter.  perhaps the typing of what i first wrote will serve me and no one else – and perhaps that is enough.

since i am not likely to write a book – it came to me that i could write something akin to an ‘essay’, or just some ‘musings’ in the format of this blog – and so here is what showed up after that:

– sharing what feels like my brief glimpses at Truth – micro-seconds of clarity quickly clouded by the fog of false beliefs being screamed by my ‘false self’ – that which cannot ‘live’ in the  Light of the Truth and for most of my moments has total control of what could be my life – that which I have thus far chosen to essentially sleep thru in exchange for a false sense of ‘safety’ as a result of ‘false control’ which in reality renders me a helpless victim living in constant fear of ‘losing contol’ – a control that is a lie and in reality is about as effective as blowing into the wind and thinking i am causing it to change direction.  Every incident is actually an opportunity to see the error of my false thinking and to choose ‘anew’.  Instead, I resist what’s happening and spend my time (life) tryng to ‘fix’ it by doing whatever my false self tells me – coming from “poor me” and blaming something/one ‘out there’ for my unhappy struggling and misery – rather than engaging in an inquiry into my own thinking and believing – the true source of whatever is happening.  I mean – one, no, the basic Truth of this reality is “Garbage In, Garbage Out”!  Or, as more eloquently stated “It is done unto you as you believe”.

And speaking of “reaping what you sow” – you cannot expect the world to care about you if:  When have I ever been truly committed to myself?  Isn’t it time??  I mean – given what I know to be True – loving and caring for myself shall be reflected in my world – and  NOT as a punishment as I was taught!  (The old “selfish and self-centered” concept.)  I am as disregarded, disrespected and ‘ignored’ as I treat myself. Yep!  Maybe one small step could be those (expensive) vitamins taken as advised!  Oh – and remembering to drink water!!!