the other day i had this thought – how is it i continue to think i’m in charge here “as my body” when the blatant truth is – i have NO idea how or why my heart beats.  nor can i stop myself from breathing even if i try – short of destroying the whole body, that is.  there is obviously something or someone else!  somehow we think that because we have now invented machines that can ‘keep us alive’ (truth is, i think, they may keep the body functioning – not sure you can call the result ‘living’??? ) that we no longer need the idea of a God or something greater than us – we got it handled.

the result of that kind of thinking lies before our very eyes – the condition of our world and how we are destroying this beautiful planet and ourselves.  but – to keep it at a very personal level – i had to accept that there is more to “me” than this physical body.  and i noticed that the parts i didn’t have control over seemed to work perfectly – and where i decided i was in charge – not so much.  mostly because i have pretty much depended on a faulty operating system rather than actually authentically thinking and choosing – in the moment – you know, like Be Here Now.

it seems to me that in those so called ‘formative years’ we build the software program/operating system that will then run the show for us while we sleep walk thru our adult lives.  and, like the computer, it’s “garbage in/garbage out”.  we choose what goes in based on the words and actions of those around us – the ones who must know. right?  i mean, they’re big and wise cause they’ve been here ‘forever’.  little do we know how dysfunctional the world around is!

and then one day we decide to take charge and tell the computer to do something – hah!  like Hal it kind of says (in that awful creepy voice)  “I’m sorry Dave, I can’t do that.”  and, unlike Dave,   perhaps we say “oh, ok – sorry” and give into the fear of failure, etc. BUT  if we are persistent, one day we get to “I’m mad as hell and i’m not going to take it anymore!” and we begin the process of taking back our power.

and that is where i have been for about 35 years now.  obviously it is not an easy task!  but OH SO WORTH IT!!!  i have gotten ‘professional’ help, have read (a lot), taken classes and seminars(a lot), meditated and journaled – and spent a lot of time alone.

this morning i had a kind of realization about this current life – based on something i had kind of joked about with regard to  what /who i may have been in a past life.  i could see how this life was essentially exactly the same!  yes, very different times and apparent circumstances – but the lack of freedom and fear of punishment – the same!!  i also saw that where i am now, in this lifetime, there is no reason for any of that fear – that i am truly free!!!!  it feels like a completion and i can actually feel it when i declare :                    I Am Free,  I Am Safe

How Divine ^_^

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