This is a scary blog to write and share.  It poured out onto the journal pages after I had actually closed, when I normally do my list of gratitudes.  I found myself in tears as I thought about all that is going on in this country – feeling helpless and hopeless, I asked the scary question – “what can I do?”  I am sharing only because it feels ‘right’ as well as scary – then again, perhaps no one will even actually read it and there won’t be anyone to laugh at my stupidity/silliness??  I guess I’ll just do it for myself.

Why am I here?  What am I to do? What did I come here to accomplish/contribute?  What purpose?  Most of the time (these days) I feel old and useless as well as ‘helpless’.  And I am as guilty as those who are “filthy rich” – as preoccupied with money – just from a different ‘angle’.  While I’m not in the very basic survival group, I feel just one step away and thus spend my days trying to “maintain” and in fear of not!  And of becoming “homeless”. 

It occurred to me the other day that we as a Nation (and maybe the World?) are in the middle of a “Scrooge-type Nightmare” – we are being shown how our preoccupation with money and its perceived power has manifested – what we have created – a very negatively energized World – greed, selfishness, fear, anger and hatred prevail.  The things we thought, as a Nation, we had healed and/or overcome have been festering underground, being fed by our preoccupation with money – that which generates all those negative feelings and actions.  We lost sight of everything Real (even Love) as we became hypnotized by the glitz and glamour – all the smoke and mirrors have led us so far down the path of “evil” – can we ever find our way back?  Right now a large number of us are being led like lemmings to the edge of the World as we know it and into a very dark and painful abyss.  And unlike Scrooge, we can’t seem to see the truth of where we’re headed.  From my perspective, it seems the very people who believe trump to be their ‘savior’ will be the first ones into the abyss.  They will be discarded now, no longer of any use to those who have gained their positions of perceived power.  And while those of us in the ‘middle’ may survive – life could be increasingly difficult and painful.  And if you are not a relatively well-off, white (Protestant??) male – you may find yourself living in some level of fear and misery constantly.  That is our current collective “Christmas Future”.  I pray we don’t have to live it to “get it”!

While I want to feel encouraged by all the more “positive” and “good” incidents, events, programs etc – it is a conscious struggle some days to not get sucked in and pulled down into the dark tunnel of despair and hopelessness/helplessness – to NOT listen to the voice of negativity that tells me I am just a stupid old lady – useless and powerless.  So, for that reason, I am posting this blog in spite of that voice.  I just might be the 100th monkey needed to inspire the 100th monkey of those who can and will make that difference!!

So if you are laughing after reading this – at the silly old lady – please, this time, practice some kindness and consideration and don’t tell me.  Thanks

Amen

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